Dreams Part II

Last night I dreamed that I was buying cigarettes in Wendy's (yes apparently the fast food chain branched out to cigarettes) and the place was full of high school kids trying to be badasses. It was hard to get service it was so busy. I think I felt nervous and like I didn't belong; like I was in high school again. My mom was waiting outside in the car with Swee'pea.

I often dream that I'm smoking a cigarette only to remember that I'm breastfeeding and shouldn't, or that I'm pregnant and shouldn't. Or that just one cigarette won't hurt.

Shortly after Swee'pea was born I had many dreams of my Grandma Ruth who died when I was six months pregnant. One was particularly disturbing: my parents were driving us to some restaurant thing, up a twisty, steeply rising, mountain road. My grandma and I were in the backseat. At the restaurant (it was an opening or something), my grandma got cold but my parents were still busy chatting. They told her to go out to the car to warm up. When we got there, she had wrapped herself in a huge clear plastic bag, for warmth I guess, but was having trouble breathing. I can still see the plastic sucked against her mouth and nose, and her alarmed eyes. (The plastic is actually quite significant because my dad's whole career was spent developing plastic films, milk bags, and recycling programs.) My dad ripped off part of the plastic but she was still struggling for breath. I saw another place to cut it open so I did and she breathed deeply and loudly like you see in movies when someone is rescued from drowning or suffocating. Suddenly I was a kid again, and I told her, "Grandma, if you die because of some stupid mistake or accident like that I'll be really mad." And she hugged me.

Dreams Part I