Tuesday, October 16, 2007

fretting

Wow, it is NOT easy to get ready for a job interview in another city (especially The Big City where people dress really well and always have their hair and makeup done perfectly) when you have sole care of a toddler. It's very difficult to fret over the details of my appearance when a toddler is about to go down the stairs without me or has thrown everything out of the crib I tried to contain him in. Still, it was very annoying to discover that just two weeks ago I packed or threw out all of my hair clips because I hadn't used them in three years. (Half-ass ponytail-slash-bun thingie it is.) I also packed ALL of my makeup, because the last time I wore makeup was a year ago in a belly dance performance (actually maybe it was last March when I had to impress Sage -- whatever). The point is I had to go out to buy mascara at the last minute, and found myself paralyzed with indecision at the vast wall of mascara wands. How does one choose?!?

Of course, none of it mattered. I noticed that neither of the two women interviewing me were wearing makeup, and their hair didn't look perfect either. All that angst for nothing. I looked fine. I did fine. I would be a very good fit for the job.

And while I felt a little thrill at my first glimpse of the skyline and the CN Tower truncated by heavy, low clouds and hearing the clang of a streetcar and then a subway scraping by, I just don't think we belong in the Big Smoke. While I enjoyed being dwarfed by the enormous glass walls lining the downtown streets, I don't think I want to spend forty hours a week high up inside one of them. While it was exciting to watch all the people in smart suits and ties and shiny shoes rushing past a cafe window, I don't want to become one of them feeling tugged by my little one somewhere more than five minutes away from me.

Don't get me wrong. It's a vibrant and exciting city and I felt myself lifted by that excitement. I'm sure we could be happy there, especially with so many kickass bloggers there. But I think I'd prefer a slower life on a smaller scale. Sorry, I know I've said all this before but I continue to waffle so I need to reconsider the options over and over again.

So more finger-crossing for this nearby job for Sugar D. He had one interview last week and may hear the end of this week whether he gets a second.

16 comments:

slouching mom said...

I will keep my fingers crossed. You sound like you have a very good handle on what you do -- and don't -- want.

Suz said...

I'm glad that you learned so much from this interview and the city. My fingers are crossed for a successful interview for Sugar D!

Kyla said...

You know what you want and I hope you get it, Sin.

Beck said...

I think that what we DO NOT want is as important as any of the things we could ever wish for.

Denguy said...

Well. there is this fixer-upper on Brock St. in the 'hood with a basement apt. for potential rental income....

Aliki2006 said...

I agree with what others have said--it seems like you have a strong sense of what you want and don't want--I don't think you're a waffler at all, I just think you're trying hard to weigh your decisions.

Fingers still crossed...

kgirl said...

Options are for considering, and you guys have to do what's best for the whole fam.

But if it makes you feel any better, doing my hair means that it has been washed in the last couple of days, and I have never worn makeup to work.

Mad Hatter said...

I'm with you on this one, Sin. I like that smaller feel even though playing in the big world is very attractive.

Naomi (Urban Mummy) said...

Funny, when I read this...

(especially The Big City where people dress really well and always have their hair and makeup done perfectly)

I thought for sure you were talking about Montreal!!

Good luck on the decisions!! And there are lots of houses for sale in my neighbourhood!

Oh, The Joys said...

I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get the offer!

niobe said...

Not that it helps, but the choices that I thought at the time were so important have turned out not to mean so much after all.

nomotherearth said...

I've managed to find a good balance, actually. I work in the downtown world, but live in part of the city that feels like a small village.

And ditto what Kgirl says. I don't wear makeup or heels. I don't have nylons for that matter either. My "style" is very low key, and I don't care who dresses how.

Mimi said...

Ahhh, it's good to put yourself in the thick of it and really try to feel your own reactions. So, good!

Duly keeping my fingers crossed ...

crazymumma said...

One goes to the makeup counter at Shoppers Drugmart and employs the talent of the woman behind the counter. Tell her your lifestle and what you want. I promise you, in fact I will buy you a beer if not, that you will get most of what you wantneeddesire.

Toronto is great, but so is outside of Toronto. So there. Go with your heart.

crazymumma said...

....and what den guy said.

mamatulip said...

It sounds like you really do know what you want. I hope you get it.

Isn't it always the way that after you've packed and/or thrown something out, you find that you could really use it?