Wright Hassal Law Offices
509 Main Street
To: Swee’pea, (hereinafter, “The Lessee”)
On Behalf of: Cinnamon Gurl and Sugar D (hereinafter, “The Lessors”)
On this date of October 29, 2007, in G-Town, Ontario, The Lessors recognize that you have the benefit of squatters’ rights, since the gap at the centre of the queen-sized bed at 153 Cardamom Lane, Lot 30, Concession 42, in G-Town, Ontario, (hereinafter, "the Premises" was vacant when you began habitation there, and they have made no effort to remove you from the Premises.
Please find attached a lease agreement, subject to the Landlord Tenant Act, to govern your occupation of said habitation, with the following conditions. The Lessors are very generously not requesting rent money from you. Rather, they require you to cease and desist with your violent behaviour while you are on the Premises. They have grown fond of you and wish to pursue a peaceful settlement to the recent disappointing turn of events.
Lease Commencement Date: November 1, 2007
Full Service Rent: $0
Terms of the Agreement:
- Between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m., The Lessee will not partake in any violent behaviour, intentional or otherwise, in the common area of the Premises, including but not limited to: kicking, thrashing, flailing, flinging, poking, pinching, grasping, pushing, smacking, hair-pulling, or other actions that cause bodily harm or loss of sleep to The Lessors. Such actions outside of the specified hours will be governed by the Parental Agreement already in force.
- The Lessee will not lie horizontally across the Premises while both Lessors are present.
- The Lessee bears sole responsibility for the safety and whereabouts of the oral pacifier (hereinafter the “dudu”). The Lessee may wish to consider allowing the clip-on strap thingie to be attached to his person such that the “dudu” will not fall off the bed in the middle of the night.
- The Lessee may cuddle or gently touch The Lessors for comfort at any time, so long as the Lessee causes no pain, bodily harm, or sleeplessness.
If you do not agree to and abide by said terms, The Lessors are not afraid to pursue an Action in Ejectment under the Land Registration Act, 1992 to remove you forcibly from the Premises.