Monday, October 29, 2007


Wright Hassal Law Offices
509 Main Street
G-Town, Ontario

To: Swee’pea, (hereinafter, “The Lessee”)

On Behalf of: Cinnamon Gurl and Sugar D (hereinafter, “The Lessors”)

Dear Lessee:

On this date of October 29, 2007, in G-Town, Ontario, The Lessors recognize that you have the benefit of squatters’ rights, since the gap at the centre of the queen-sized bed at 153 Cardamom Lane, Lot 30, Concession 42, in G-Town, Ontario, (hereinafter, "the Premises" was vacant when you began habitation there, and they have made no effort to remove you from the Premises.

Until now.

Please find attached a lease agreement, subject to the Landlord Tenant Act, to govern your occupation of said habitation, with the following conditions. The Lessors are very generously not requesting rent money from you. Rather, they require you to cease and desist with your violent behaviour while you are on the Premises. They have grown fond of you and wish to pursue a peaceful settlement to the recent disappointing turn of events.

Lease Commencement Date: November 1, 2007

Full Service Rent: $0

Terms of the Agreement:

  1. Between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m., The Lessee will not partake in any violent behaviour, intentional or otherwise, in the common area of the Premises, including but not limited to: kicking, thrashing, flailing, flinging, poking, pinching, grasping, pushing, smacking, hair-pulling, or other actions that cause bodily harm or loss of sleep to The Lessors. Such actions outside of the specified hours will be governed by the Parental Agreement already in force.
  2. The Lessee will not lie horizontally across the Premises while both Lessors are present.
  3. The Lessee bears sole responsibility for the safety and whereabouts of the oral pacifier (hereinafter the “dudu”). The Lessee may wish to consider allowing the clip-on strap thingie to be attached to his person such that the “dudu” will not fall off the bed in the middle of the night.
  4. The Lessee may cuddle or gently touch The Lessors for comfort at any time, so long as the Lessee causes no pain, bodily harm, or sleeplessness.

If you do not agree to and abide by said terms, The Lessors are not afraid to pursue an Action in Ejectment under the Land Registration Act, 1992 to remove you forcibly from the Premises.


Al Wright
Wright Hassal


Suz said...

Bwhahahaha! Oh.....I completely feel for your lack of sleep. I hope that the lessee complies, because I'm sure that eviction would be sad for all.

Jennifer said...

Hilarious! And...good luck! I am betting on The Lessee to have a rebuttal... ;)

slouching mom said...

Oh, I love love love this. Good luck!

Beck said...

And this is why all of our children were unceremoniously booted out of the forever after yearned for parent's bed at 11 months....

bubandpie said...

Good one. Makes my middle-of-the-night problems look small, doesn't it?

cinnamon gurl said...

B&P, it's funny, 'cause when I was reading your post today, I thought my situation was easier, since we stay in bed all night... oh well. we do what we can.

Mimi said...

SNORK! Omigod that's funny.

So Swee'pea's got a 'dudu' too, huh?

Good luck sleeping ...

Mouse said...

I'm very fond of Scooter's trips to our bed at about 6 most mornings. But that's because I haven't had him poking at me all night.

Good luck!

Aliki2006 said...

This is brilliant!

And poor you--hope the sleep improves...

Mad Hatter said...

Extremely funny, Sin. You forgot "sharp toenails against the lower back." BTW, (shhhhh) Miss M has slept through the night in her own bed 4 nights running. (Shhhhhhh. We cannot tempt the jinx.)

b*babbler said...

Ooh, this one had me giggling.

I'm sure that the Lessee may move towards binding arbitration on this one, concessions to be made only on th part of the Lessors.

But I'm just guessing here.

banana said...

three? words for you....king size bed

Kyla said...

You are too clever! Hope the Lessee agrees to the terms.