Wednesday, April 18, 2007

In His Own Words

Well, only Mad took up Sugar Daddy on his offer of an interview, and she asked some doozies.... so here he is, Sugar Daddy, in his OWN words:

What went through your mind that day when you walked into Black's and first saw Sin?

She was striking with her long red hair and she moved in a confident way that suggested a devil-may-care attitude. I thought she looked smart, like someone who would be interesting to talk to and fun to be with... Oh, and I thought she was hot :-)

Why did you migrate to Canada from South Africa?

I had just finished High School & my mom was planning to come to Canada (parents were divorced) so I thought it would be a good opportunity to further my education.

When Sin's labour went into distress, how did you react?
Mostly I just felt helpless - I had tried the breathing - thing: counting , etc. but nothing seemed to work. I tried to find encouraging things to say, and I tried not to worry or appear worried, but I had the suspicion that something wasn't right. But this was my first time attending a pregancy so I didn't really know what was normal, so I deferred to the advice of the midwives, doula, nurses & doctors.

At what point did you know that everything would be ok and what did you feel in that moment of Swee'pea coming safely into the world?

I was never really sure that everything would be OK... I just didn't think about the possibility that it wouldn't be. But once it was announced that Kate would be having a C-section, I became more emotional as I knew that soon our baby would be born. When I saw him presented to me on a table, wrinkled and pink, I was overwhelmed. He seemed so vulnerable. I just remember crying a lot.

* * *

After I read his answers, I reminded him of the email he sent to his dad shortly after Swee'pea was born, which I thought worth sharing here, and he complied.

We are at home now -- we came back yesterday -- and we're settling into the parenting routine of feeding and sleeping when possible. The hospital turned out to be a more positive experience than anticipated: the staff were very helpful and considerate. So much has happened since Tuesday that it is overwhelming to contemplate. I had no idea becoming a parent would be so amazing, so uplifting. Of course there is much responsibility, but some kind of instinctive parental trigger has been pulled and there's never any reluctance to perform the necessary duties, only joy in serving one who is so loved. So euphoria competes with exhaustion, and time flies by. The birth was difficult and stressful for sure... home birth is only an option in low-risk births, and that ceased to be the case from early on in labor when the meconium was detected in the water.. not in itself dangerous but it necessitated monitoring and controlled position. It just didn't seem to be going right - the labor was too painful early on, and so an epidural anaesthetic was given. Although there was significant progress, the doctor in charge (care had been transferred from the midwives earlier) decided that C-section was the best option... they allowed me in to the operating room, and Kate was conscious though physically anaesthetized, and we were both quite emotional - indeed crying - at this stage. Fortunately I didn't see the actual surgery -- there was a curtain shielding us from the undoubtedly gory process, but we could hear the surgeons talking. Suddenly we heard a squawking cry and 'it's a boy!' ... they cleaned him up and took him over to a table where his vital signs were checked and found to be good. I was given a pair of scissors to trim the tough and stringy umbilical cord and he was then taken to the nursery in the neighbouring room. He was kept in a transparent incubator, but I was allowed to reach in and touch him which I gingerly did. He was alert and we stared at each other uncomprehendingly for a while. They had to monitor him for several hours but he was able to visit Kate, who was immensely relieved to see and hold him, and we cried some more. That night he had made enough progress that we were able to keep him in our ward room with us overnight, where I watched him with paranoia at every hiccup or cough. I held him a lot... he didn't spend much time in the crib. We spent the rest of the week at the hospital, learning to look after, change and feed the baby (fortunately he is breastfeeding) and recovering... Kate was not very mobile of course, and so I was very involved in looking after Ezra, and this continues...


Beck said...

Hey! I should have mailed him some questions, too.
I had a c-section with my first child, although mine wasn't scary - it was planned - and then went on to have two VBACs. It was very interesting for me to read your husband's perspective on your c-section!

Bon said...

Mad asks cool questions.

that was an incredibly touching letter from him to his detailed, and slightly formal, and so honest and bare.

i loves me a good man like that.

Suz said...

I loved reading your husband's view of your c-section, especially when he describes parenting as if a switch has been thrown. I can't get enough of c-section descriptions, because mine was under general anathesia and I don't remember a thing. With these type of accounts, I can see how it was and might have been.

NotSoSage said...

This was an excellent idea. I'm sorry I missed the opportunity, but we had visitors all last week (and again next).

It is really interesting to hear another father's perspective of a very different birth than my own.

slouching mom said...

I wish there were more daddies blogging.

He's one of the good ones!

Mimi said...

Gorgeous email! Sugar Daddy's quite the writer. And good questions from Mad (and answers, of course).

Gosh, I'm sure just reading that email brings you right back. I felt like it was all happening right now.

Oh, The Joys said...

What a cool idea - interview the blogger's husband! I love that. My husband is do deliberative it would take a year for him to answer.

crazymumma said...

thanks sugar daddy. what a nice window....

Mad Hatter said...

My husband is a man of few words. I remember him saying after Miss M was born that the hardest part of the experience was watching me be in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it. I loved your description, SD, of going into the C-section and both of you crying before Swee'pea was even born. I also loved hearing about your moments when Swee'pea was in the incubator. It is a special time, I think, for the fathers who get to follow the baby from the room--even if that time is so short.

Thanks for these answers.

Aliki2006 said...

Oh, it's so great to hear your husband's perspective (and what a cool thing to hear from husbands, too).

Kyla said...

This was a very cool idea! I loved SD's answers...very sweet and thoughtful.