Sunday, December 02, 2007

pink at night

Tonight is a raw night. The night sky is the same pink as the snow, which I find faintly disturbing. I know intellectually that is just the haze of streetlights reflecting off the fine rain as it falls over the thick snow but still... it seems unnatural.

This weekend has been a complete wash. I don't feel like I've had any time off at all, thanks to all the tense waiting and awkwardness yesterday, a middle of the night vomiting session with the little person sharing our bed, and then more waiting today, becoming more and more angry as the afternoon drifted away. I eventually erupted with a poisonour impotent rage and now just have that exhausted and limply frustrated aftertaste.

The other day, before the batshit crazy hit the fan, I spent a cosy afternoon reading my posts from our trip to South Africa early this year while snow blew around outside and Swee'pea played with his blocks and pots and pans. It occurred to me that my blog used to be a lot better then, that it's just devolved into a bunch of self-pitying, navel-gazing bullshit. So I will point you to a warmer, sunnier time.

13 comments:

Karen said...

looking forward to catching up on your old posts and wishing you a warmer and sunnier time ahead!

Mad Hatter said...

Yeah, I often think back to the times when I actually thought my blog was, if not good, better than what I'm cranking out now. Ebb and flow, I guess.

slouching mom said...

why do we all feel that we have to apologize when we write about the shitty times? i ask this of me, of you, and of so many others.

i like your writing now. and i'm sure i will like reading what you wrote then.

kgirl said...

there will be more sunny days. promise.

flutter said...

sounds like a hug is in order

Suz said...

Ha. Because I started writing when we were dealing with infertility, I'm used to writing (and reading) about crappy times and unfair situations. This seems more natural to me than reading about the happy times which you evoke so beautifully. I hope that you've turned a curve with this situation and things will get better.

Lisa b said...

life has ups and downs and as you write both will be reflected here. I cannot imagine struggling with a family members mental illness.
Here's to better days ahead and beauty in the small things like reading old posts while your boy plays happily..

Kyla said...

We're just slinking into winter...those posts were from February, nearly spring! There is much more warmth in spring than in early December.

Don't be hard on yourself, Sin.

cinnamon gurl said...

Kyla, those posts were also from South Africa at the peak of its summer, so they were MUCH warmer and sunnier. ;)

Beck said...

Oh, I know what you mean. But some times ARE hard and who can write well at those times?

Denguy said...

Hey, no worries. No worries.

Jennifer said...

Oh my goodness, those photos are fantastic! I spent two weeks in East Africa and that time stays with me still. A magical place.

But, oh, I had a good ol' whine on my blog yesterday. You're entitled, from where I stand. ;)

Aliki2006 said...

Oh no, c.g.--it's not navel gazing shit at all, please don;t think that. We all go through periods of utter crap and, as with all friendships, if we can't write and talk about them with friends, what can we do?