Ezra's (lack of) Sleep

From July 29, 2006

Well, I think I'm feeling a bit better. Ezra's not sleeping any better but for most of the week he would at least take 10 minute naps in his crib... then I'd have to go and put him to sleep again and he'd sleep for another 15-20 mins. Some loved ones have made snide comments suggesting that his light sleeping is a result of how we've parented him, that we don't leave him once he start crying. I was starting to buy into this thinking, that it's all our fault I haven't gotten more than 3 hours sleep in a row in six months, and that only occasionally, but then I have moments of memory (they are few and far between as I walk around for the most part in a fog of maternal amnesia). I have tried many times leaving him to see if he'll settle himself but he never does and just ends up getting more and more awake so it's much harder to get to sleep. And I remember when he was only a few weeks old, he was even then very difficult to put down for sleep. That's why I ended up bringing him into our bed, because it would take half an hour to feed him and then half an hour to try to put him down. When he was feeding every two hours, this was just too exhausting. So today and yesterday I've decided that Ezra is who he is, and he's just a light sleeper, who knows exactly where he wants to sleep, thank you very much – either in mum and dad's arms or our bed.

We are going away on Aug. 3 for 10 days so I was thinking we'd introduce solids today, before we go. But his pediatrician is very adamant about no solids before six months. And I already lie to her about where Ezra sleeps and I'd rather not lie to her about anything else. So now we've decided to wait until we come home, which is only a few days past his six-month mark. I spoke to a public health nurse and she said the guidelines are very clear (none before six months) and she can't tell us to disregard our doctor's advice. We have to make our own judgment. Apparently the guidelines are put out by WHO so I figure it's worth listening to them. I suspect it wouldn't really matter whether we start today or in two weeks.

I just realized last night that I've stopped fantasizing about Ezra sleeping for longer stretches. Until recently, every night that I managed to get Ezra settled into his crib, I would lie in bed and think about how long he might sleep for. If, say, it was 10 pm, I would think, ok, he should be good until 1 (he slept better back then) but maybe he'll sleep till 2, oh that would be a treat. Or maybe he'll sleep till 4 and I can email my baby group and tell everyone that Ezra officially slept through the night according to the medical definition. And I would imagine exactly how I'd phrase the email and forecast how wonderfully rested I'd feel in the morning. Of course, then I'd finally fall asleep and he'd wake even earlier than I originally thought he would for sleep until. Anyways, now I've given up any hope of Ezra sleeping five hours in a row before he hits 2, as evidenced by the lack of sleep fantasies.