Incidentally, Swee'pea did NOT sleep through the night, he woke twice, but the wakings were at 10 pm and 5 am and i went to bed as soon as I settled him at 10.
Anyways, when I swam to consciousness this morning long after Sugar Daddy had already jumped out of bed to tend to Swee'pea, I remembered the dream I'd just been dreaming.
A long, long time ago, I mentioned tangentially (is anything I ever write NOT tangential?) that I used to have nightmares about tornadoes. Just so you don't have to click and dig, this is the bit I'm referring to:
When I was about 7, I saw some footage of a tornado at night; it was all red and black. For many years those colours were how I thought of tornadoes. That image, along with watching the Wizard of Oz around the same age or just before, must have made quite an impression because I developed a phobia of tornadoes; my nightmares in adolescence and my early twenties always featured me seeing a twister on the horizon and panicking while I waited to see if it would hit us or our neighbours. I knew I turned a corner when I dreamed that I wasn't scared; I just went down to the basement and calmly waited. I don't have nightmares about tornadoes anymore.
Last night, I dreamed of twisters again. Only this time, I was on some kind of tour, maybe even a storm chasing tour. We (Swee'pea and Sugar Daddy weren't there, it was just me and other tourists, including an old friend) kept being driven to a new farm with a dusty driveway, and every time we got out of the van there was another twister coming. I couldn't see many of them because of all the outbuildings surrounding us, so I never really knew whether we were actually in danger. There weren't any basements to shelter in, and that was kind of the point I think. Our tour guide felt that being in a doorway of an old barn was safer than the van, so every time he notified us of an approaching twister, we each squatted in a doorway with our arms over our heads. Once in a while I'd catch sight of the giant twisting column of destruction and feel a tiny jolt of fear, but mostly I just calmly waited and hoped.
I find it interesting that on the night I had the longest stretch of uninterrupted sleep in nearly 15 months, I seemed to have turned another corner in my anxiety dream motif. I'm not only calm in the face of scary twisters, I am actively seeking that fear and mastering it, deliberately putting myself in situations were I can't keep a close watch on the threat and not hiding from it either.
* * *
Did you see the video of the magical Rheostatics' singalong? Seriously, you should watch it... as Sage said in the comments, it "almost caught the final moment... almost."