where have I been?

The intense relief I felt upon hearing we didn't that lovely house kicked off a frenzy of spending ideas. It was like we'd just gotten a raise or a windfall not having to pay for that house. We could go to Cuba! I could get a new lens! I could go to BlogHer! Maybe I could go on some photography workshop! I've looked into most of those options but so far haven't done any. Now, the frenzy has given way to mild sadness. Every time I'm in the vicinity of that house, or near somewhere where I thought about that house, I feel sad. Sad that the two weeks of moving in our belongings and family will never be. It's ok, really, I know it was never meant to be and there is probably something better (and less expensive) around the corner.

After my initial disappointment at having gained 10 pounds in the last few months and not in fact having shrunk all my pants as I'd originally thought, I've been going to the gym with respectable frequency. I thought the weight would fall off with the increased activity and decreased wine and cookie consumption but sadly no. At least I'm not gaining weight, but still. I think the next move will be to buy new dishes. I strongly suspect that there is a downside to "generously proportioned" dinnerware as nice as the pumpkin colour is.

I've also been thinking a lot about photography. Someone's starting up SoFoBoMo, sort of like NaNoWriMo. If you sign up, the goal is to create a solo photo book with 35 photos, all laid out preferably in a pdf. You have 30 days to make the photos, process them, and lay them out with any text. I haven't signed up, but I've been thinking about it for the last month at least. I'm not sure if I want to sign up, but I think I may try to play along informally, so that if I don't follow through I have no one to answer to buy myself.

I've also been exploring blurb and their bookmaking software to see what it's like. It's really easy and you can even import your blog to lay it out for a book, but you don't end up with a pdf. You end up with a file format that can only be produced by blurb, which I suppose makes sense since the software is free but still.

Anyways, last weekend I asked Sister Christine's permission to approach people at the Drop In Centre about sitting for me, and she agreed, if somewhat unenthusiastically. I think she was concerned that I would just go shooting everyone without their permission, and "some people are funny about pictures." I didn't do a great job of reassuring her because I was nervous, but I know inside myself that I will make sure not just to get people's consent but to make sure they understand this is for an art project. So we'll see where that goes...

Sugar D's been working hot and heavily on my own gallery site, which will also have a blog focused mostly on photography. I've been surfing the web checking out other photographers and looking for workshops and thinking about possible projects. Sometimes it feels really good to be working on something bigger than myself and my family, but other times it's scary as hell. Sometimes I get scared that my newfound ambition is interfering with my parenting. I remain haunted by Her Bad Mother's passing comment somewhere else that some famous author's kids talked about always wanting to be inside the room their mother was in, always feeling, literally and figuratively, shut out. Anyways, I'm trying not to get paralyzed by thinking. The important thing, and I have to keep consciously reminding myself, is to keep seeing and looking and squeezing the shutter.

My wrists are tingling. I've been typing like mad at work this week and my wrists are really feeling it, so I'll sign off now.