Friday, March 28, 2008


Ministry of Seasonal Compliance

March 28, 2008


Dear March,

As you know, our organization contracts with you and 11 other months to provide Canadians with a varied weather experience each month of the calendar year. The terms of our agreement require you to do one of the following:

1) come in like a lamb and go out like a lion, or
2) come in like a lion and go out like a lamb.

In more literal words, you must bring about some form of mild weather, and it is up to your discretion whether that falls at the beginning or the end of the month. As at the date of this letter, we have seen not even the merest suggestion of lamb-like weather.

The end of your term for this year ends in three days, and we cannot urge you strongly enough to desist with all this lion-like weather. Your behaviour over the last 28 days could have a negative impact on April, and its reputation for being the cruellest month. If do not go out like a lamb, April may need to modify its raison d’etre.

The fact that you are also contravening Wiarton Willie’s prediction of an early spring only adds to our concern that you are not abiding by the terms of our agreement. If you do not go out like a lamb, we will be forced to consider alternative arrangements for next year, including contracting April for a double term or perhaps even extending the summer months’ contracts.

We hope you will do the right thing and demonstrate our shared commitment to appropriate seasonal behaviour. We look forward to continued partnership.

Yours sincerely,

The Honourable Jane Weatherby
Minister of Seasonal Compliance


Bea said...

You're so clever.

I've suspected all along that March would wiggle out on a technicality, because the first couple of days of the month were actually sunny and mild - followed by that miserable storm around the 4th or so. I think we used up our lamb card then, and got fooled with the bait-and-switch. I think that means that spring doesn't actually have to come this year.

cinnamon gurl said...

Bea, I've been a bit concerned about that too but I seem to recall that we had a lot of snow on Feb. 29 (even overnight I think - hence Mar 1), and then again a day or two or three later... And does the lion/lamb thing trump Wiarton Willie anyways? I think not. Someone must be held accountable!

Mad said...

I'm glad you are keeping a proper paper trail on this one, Jane. That way when you fire March's sorry ass, he/she will not be able to grieve to the Climate Change Union. There's nothing worse than a bad employee that you simply cannot dismiss.

Julie Pippert said...

This is so fantastic, LOL. I mean, not that I---here in the subtropics, with one season---can relate. But we keep feeding the myth about seasons to our kids.

I love it, this post.

Bon said...

cracking me up. as i watch the snow drft down.

please fire March and let's go straight to May.

Cloud said...

This was very funny! I remember the longing for spring from the days when I lived in colder places. Here in San Diego, it is more of a mild desire to wear skirts instead of pants....

Anonymous said...

Here's hoping April is full of lambs with nary a lion in site.

Janet said...

You're funny. :)

Beck said...

March has just sucked this year. I am resenting March mightily.

Lisa b said...

Take that March!